I just wasn't classed as a sporty kid.
Bats, balls and rackets have never thrilled me,
Running for the bus might well have killed me,
And I couldn't catch – no matter what I did.
But I've been training hard for Twenty Twelve.
Found I'm no good at squash or archery.
In order to win (and I think you'll agree)
Sports like running and football should be shelved.
We ought to revive traditional games.
Hundred metre sack dash, egg and spoon race.
I'd win so much gold, put the others to shame!
In the three-legged run, no one would keep pace.
Obstacle racing, I'd blast all competition.
Excuse me, I'm off now to start a petition.